Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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