she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
