U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
