so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
