i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
