I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
