Already got asked if we're dating
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
