Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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