i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
