I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
