why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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