well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
