I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
