having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
