I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
