Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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