return my video game
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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