Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
