he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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