We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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