You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
