I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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