Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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