No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
