HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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