I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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