i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
