apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
