sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
