my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
