my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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