At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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