apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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