Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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