You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
