she kept yelling 'call me bella'
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
