i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
