I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
