I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
