I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
