Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
