We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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