Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
