i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
