May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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