Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
