Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
