I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
