We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
