SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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