We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
