Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
