I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
